Monday, January 24, 2011

Full Report

While we're peaking behind curtains, let's look into my brain...

The problem with set up offers, I thought, was that people are not as selective on behalf of others as they are for themselves. I realized quickly that, "I know someone perfect for you," roughly meant, "Hey, I know at least two single people."

So I began nursing a little theory the last week. The idea was that if I sounded picky and demanding enough--like an elitist snob--then I could scare off those without well considered set up recommendations.

While I seriously doubted anyone would make lists of the five smartest and the ten most attractive women she knew, I did think the request would at least inspire something besides the lowest common denominator (single status). I thought I might ensure thoughtful recommendations.

My theory was incorrect. Lesson learned.

Apparently to many people I know this:

Anyone wishing to set me up may do so sans contractual agreement, however, I sincerely ask that you go through three simple steps.

  1. Make a list of the five smartest women that you know. ANY women.
  2. Make a list of the ten most attractive women that you personally know. ANY women.
  3. If any women is on both lists, and is single, and has aspirations for a temple marriage, and is AT LEAST 22.5 years old, I would love to meet her.

Is indistinguishable from this:

Please immediately send me the name of any woman you can think of, whether or not she is in rehab, is more than a decade younger than I am, or you've ever actually met her.

I do not mean to say that everyone I heard from was inconsiderate. I did get nice messages from a few thoughtful friends. However, since Friday night I have received about twenty-five set up offers, and I don't mind saying that most of them have been terrible.

Until I can think of a new and improved policy, I'm going back to the Set Up Contract, effective immediately.

Onto my goals...

1. Bedtime/Wake up goal: 37.5%
2. Book goal: 100% (The Fifth Mountain)
3. Writing goal: 0%


Holdinator said...

Your reading goal is of the highest import (in my opinion), and you're knocking it out of the park.

Way to go.

Nancy said...

I never knew you were a blogging man, though I'm glad I found this beaut of a post. I know a girl on all those lists--- but YOU would need to make it on all HER lists. Lucky for you, you've got great home-teachees that know how to talk you up. We will accept a 'thank you' in the form of a home teaching lesson next month. Jonathon will provide you with details possibly this Sunday. :)

Daniel said...

I cannot say I would make too many favorable "top..." anything lists. It really was an experiment to see if being ridiculously, unreasonably demanding would make people be a little more selective. I'm not quite that arrogant in real life.

But you and Jonathon can get a "thank you" lesson regardless of anything else because, you are right, I do have great home-teachees.