***Do Not Read Before Parts I-III Below***
I sleep a lot now. Nearly every spare chance I get.
It's 9:07 AM on Saturday, June 27th, and the voicemail alert on my phone has been beeping at me for hours. I don't want to get up; I don't want to leave the bedroom; yet I can't fall back to sleep. In my head I'm arguing with him, back and forth, because I don't have the nerve to argue with him in person.
My hand falls onto the nightstand and I grope for the voicemail button on my phone.
The message lady: "You have 23 new messages..."
Friday, June 26th, 8:37 PM. Beep.
"Hello, Mr. Edwards. My name is Terry Steinagle, assistant to Geraldo Rivera. Mr. Rivera heard about your... issue... and he would be very interested in meeting with you. If you could please..."
Message deleted. Next message: Friday, June 26th, 8:55 PM. Beep.
"Hello, Mr. Edwards. It's Terry Steinagle again. Just checking to see if you got my earlier..."
Message deleted. Next message: Friday, June 26th, 9:22 PM. Beep.
"Terry again. Is there a better number to reach you at? I've been trying to get a hold of you for a couple days now and...
Message deleted. Next message: Friday, June 26th, 9:38. PM. Beep.
"Mr. Edwards we are very eager to obtain the exclusive rights to your..."
Message deleted. Next message: Friday, June 26th, 10:01. PM. Beep.
"If you think you can just ignore the personal assistant to Mr. Rivera and..."
Message deleted. Next message: Friday, June 26th, 10:34 PM. Beep.
"Well, Mr. Edwards, I'm sorry we couldn't get in touch with you today. If you get this, I'll be awake until..."
Message deleted. Next message: Saturday, June 27th, 5:52 AM. Beep.
"Good Morning, Mr. Edwards. I know that things so far haven't gone as well as..."
Message deleted. Next message: Saturday, June 27th, 6:47 AM. Beep.
"Mr. Edwards, it's Terry again. Just getting Mr. Rivera's coffee ready and would love to wake him up to some good new..."
Message deleted. Next message: Saturday, June 27th, 6:51 AM. Beep.
"Hey, I just ran down to grab the paper and thought you might have tried to call while I was..."
Message deleted. Next message: Saturday, June 27th, 7:39 AM. Beep.
"This is rude. Plain and simple rude. Now Mr. Rivera is starting to get upset. And I'm warning you..."
Message deleted. Next message: Saturday, June 27th, 8:04 AM. Beep.
"Anthony, it's me, Geraldo. I know you're there...
Message deleted. Next message: Saturday, June 27th, 8:07 AM. Beep.
"Sorry, your machine cut me off. So, I was saying, on prime-time, probably a three part series..."
Message deleted. Next message: Saturday, June 27th, 8:10 AM. Beep.
"Like I said, on Fox news with the option to be picked up by the mother network..."
Message deleted. Next message: Saturday, June 27th, 8:13 AM. Beep.
"...because you and I are businessmen, you know? I think we understand one another..."
Message deleted. Next message: Saturday, June 27th, 8:16 AM. Beep.
"And you have no idea how bad I need this, kid. A comeback. To get me back on top, back where..."
Message deleted. Next message: Saturday, June 27th, 8:19 AM. Beep.
"And don't think for a second that I'll let some little jerk like you stand in the way of my comeback. I leave particles of guys like you in my..."
Message deleted. Next message: Saturday, June 27th, 8:22 AM. Beep.
"And you know how it goes when you want something with all your heart. You can get a little crazy and you might say some things that you regret later..."
Message deleted. Next message: Saturday, June 27th, 8:25 AM. Beep.
"Oh, come on. Please, kid? Please? You have no idea how bad I..."
Message deleted. Next message: Saturday, June 27th, 8:28 AM. Beep.
"Ok, it doesn't have to be a three-part series if you don't want. We could do one live special on..."
Message deleted. Next message: Saturday, June 27th, 8:31 AM. Beep.
"What if I just open up the fridge? And I could say something like, 'Ah ha!' and we could flip the lights on and off for..."
Message deleted. Next message: Saturday, June 27th, 8:34 AM. Beep.
"One tape recorder left in your breakfast cereal cupboard overnight..."
Message deleted. Next message: Saturday, June 27th, 8:37 AM. Beep.
"Listen you snot-nosed, SOB, when you mess with the mustache you mess..."
Message deleted. Next message: Saturday, June 27th, 8:49 AM. Beep.
"You know, there are other ways you could be compensated..."
I think I'm going to be sick.
I have to wonder why on earth did I go to a psychiatrist who was related to Geraldo Rivera? How is anyone related to Geraldo even allowed to practice medicine in a civilized country?
1 comment:
I think your psychiatrist violated HIPAA.
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