Archeologists Reveal Bob Hope was Possibly Comedian

Los Angeles--A team of archeologists from U.C.L.A., U.C. Berkley, and Columbia University have made a startling discovery: Figure Bob Hope might have been used by early 20th century Americans for comedy. "It's groundbreaking," says Dr. Marvin Hastings, lead archeologist on the project. "Something like this comes along and completely runs against our convention understanding of what Bob Hope was."

For decades that conventional wisdom said the Bob Hope was notable for being the nation's most flamboyant and richest drill sergeant, and there are some in the archeological community who aren't ready to give up on that theory yet. "If you look at the weight of evidence," says Albert Grable, a historian who has written two books about Bob Hope, "it's hard to say this man wasn't a very wealthy, Liberace-like sergeant, colonel or something between a corporal and general in the early U.S. Army."

Grable points to the dozens of daguerreotypes and early drawings that show hope sashaying in front of hundreds of troops, or threatening troops with golf clubs and pipes. "These pictures are worth thousands of words. What else is there to say, really?" Grable asks.

Hastings answers there is plenty else to say. "The pictures certainly suggest one explanation, but they are only a part of our data." For instance, he points to records found in old U.S. archives that say Bob Hope's appearance before troops was often scheduled as "USO Comedy Review with Bob Hope." Also, Hastings's team discovered letters written by long-dead service men who mentioned seeing a comedian on days when the Bob Hope was in camp. "These [written records] provide a more complete picture," says Hastings. "We're not saying Bob Hope wasn't a flamboyant, Thurston Howellian military figure. He might have been. But we know from other records that people at the time described him primarily as a comedic figure." And Hastings's team believes that evidence is strong enough to be definitive. 

Despite differences of opinion, there is one area where all experts are in agreement. "Of course, what's still missing is an example of a Bob Hope joke," Hastings concedes. Gable adds, "If he was a known comedian, how come no one has ever come up with an example of him saying something particularly funny?"

It seems there is still some work for archeologists to do before modern-day people know what Bob Hope really was or how he was used.

Introduction

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Hello, my name is Thomas Staker. 

I am a big baby.

How do you do?

The Turn of the Screwed

In my long tradition of providing edgy material nobody asked for, I liked this article by Bryan Goldberg. Not sure I agree with all of the conclusions, but there is some serious fodder in the premises. (You can read the whole thing, unedited, over here: http://pandodaily.com/2013/01/09/young-people-are-screwed-heres-how-to-survive/)

Hey kids, you’ve all read “The Hunger Games,” right? Almost all young people have read the best-selling books or seen the Hollywood movie about Katniss Everdeen, a smart and ambitious young lady whose life prospects are diminished by historical events that predate her. What little hope she has is seemingly reduced to nil when a bunch of old people drop her into an arena and force her to fight with her fellow children in a battle royale to the death.

But that’s just fiction, right? Your loving parents and grandparents would never screw up their world and then throw you kids under the bus…or would they?

Actually, they already have.

Last week, the economics blog Calculated Risk ran a chart that tells a pretty compelling story. To an economist, this chart means that the magnitude and duration of the 2007 recession’s impact on unemployment outpaces that of any prior post-war recession. To young people, it simply means this…

You kids are screwed.

In fact, teenagers today probably aren’t old enough to remember the “Dot Bomb” recession of twelve years ago. But even at its peak, that really bad recession did not reach a level of unemployment that matched the one we are still currently experiencing. With the Federal Reserve losing its appetite for quantitative easing, the last bullet in their holster, and both political parties deciding to half-@$$ the fiscal policy debate, it’s safe to say that…

You kids are really screwed.

As mentioned in one of my recent articles, unemployment for young people is about double the national average. Student debt is now the single largest contributor to the nation’s credit delinquencies. And it’s one of the few debts that you can never expunge through bankruptcy. Stated differently…

You kids are so unbelievably screwed.

Finally, young people need to understand how much their grandparents’ generation has ruined things for them. The average American retires with less than $70,000 in savings, but an elderly man and woman receive about $275,000 in medical care during that time — and you kids are paying for it by inheriting trillions upon trillions in Medicare bills that granny and grandpa never intended to pay and will be too dead to worry about soon. And you California kids can thank them for passing Proposition 13 and Proposition 30, which relieved them of having to pay taxes in favor of you having to pay even more taxes. In other words…

You kids are beyond screwed.

But there’s some good news in all of this. Some of us have already been through this “Hunger Games” melee, and we can serve as your Haymitch Abernathy — you know, the drunk, ranting mentor who teaches Katniss how to survive the great battle that awaits her.
So here are a few pieces of advice for how to navigate this terrifying world:

Lesson No. 1: In 2007, the first thing to go was the BS. So you better learn how to make something.



There’s a reason why unemployment is still very high, even though corporations are making record profits. It’s because after they were forced to cut about 10 percent of their workforces, many of them realized that, well, they never needed that many people to begin with.

Companies cut out the BS. And, unfortunately, many of the cerebral jobs that were going to ambitious young people were right in the thick of it. This included young lawyers, who pretty much can’t get jobs right now. This included young people in marketing and finance, two departments that do not bring in revenue or keep the factories running.

But guess what isn’t BS… making things. There are millions of unfilled jobs in America, and most of them are careers where you actually have to make and build stuff. If you grew up in an affluent environment, then you see your software engineer friends getting jobs easily. But it’s not just them. There are countless labor jobs — everything from HVAC to plumbing — that still pay big dollars. But rich kids don’t even know what those jobs entail.

My advice to young people is to figure out how to make something. That means either working with your hands, or learning how to type code with them.

Which brings me to the next lesson…

Lesson No. 2: No, education is not the answer.

If you can get into an ultra-top-tier college, then go ahead and do it. An Ivy League degree is worth getting, at least for undergrad. The value of a law or business degree is becoming more and more questionable each year.

But for the rest of you, it may be worth skipping college altogether.

The world doesn’t need any more girls with Spanish degrees from California State, Long Beach. Sorry, but it just doesn’t. We need you gals to learn how to build software in equal number with your male peers. They are no smarter than you, and they are definitely way less organized and far less attentive to detail. So go show them what you are made of.

But won’t a college degree pay for itself? It probably won’t. According to UC Berkeley’s website, a four year education will cost you $210,000 in tuition and living expenses, and a private education could run you way more. A part-time job at Starbucks will eat into very little of that sum, and you will be forgoing a real job during that same time. And — if I can convey just one point in this whole article, let it be this…saving money takes forever. Even if you do get that coveted six-figure job, you will find that it takes forever to save $210,000. Decades even.

Buy a few O’Reilly books — it will run you about 60 bucks. Go find a few software engineer friends and ask them to help you. Nerds are friendly and altruistic. And software code is no more boring and no more cryptic than learning how to conjugate your Spanish gerunds. Who knows, you may even have what it takes to start a company, but even if you don’t, you can get some valuable equity along the way.

Lesson No. 3: Your parents and grandparents don’t understand your world. You should probably ignore them.



Your parents and grandparents want what is best for you. But they do not understand your world in the slightest. You should probably ignore them.

They grew up in a world so unbelievably different from your own, that they couldn’t possibly understand what things are like for you. They don’t know what it is like to fight hard for an unpaid internship. They don’t know what it’s like to watch entire career paths suddenly disappear or become far less desirable: like Journalism, Medicine, and Law. In their day, getting a job in Medicine or Law was a ticket to prosperity. And newspapers actually hired people.

Parents and grandparents don’t understand the extent to which careers need to evolve in the modern day. No longer can you get a job at some company and expect to stay there for three decades. What you do for a living may not even exist in ten years.

Every young person is an entrepreneur now, in one way or another — they must forge their own unique career path, and they need to think five or 10 years ahead. There is no rulebook anymore for how to build a career. Certainly not the one your parents read in 1981.

In summary, the “conventional path” has become so narrow, that it hardly even exists. You can’t just go to grad school and “become” anything: a lawyer, a banker, a doctor, a journalist, a manager. Some of these jobs are on hiring freezes, and some of them are so fraught with frustration that they are best avoided. I don’t know a single doctor who thinks that Medicine is the best career path for their kids. And the same logic is applying to more and more professions. The well has been poisoned.

Lesson No. 4: Don’t worry about your network. Worry about your friends.    

If you have successful friends, you will be successful. It’s pretty much that simple. If you hang out with a bunch of losers, you too will adopt their loser ways and not achieve anything. Regardless of whether or not you go out and network, please make sure that your friends are ambitious and hard working people who you admire.

For some, this means that they will have to move on from their high school buddies. For others, it means that they will need to have friends who are older than they are. Some people will have to learn new skills in order to penetrate the friend groups that they would like to join.

But if you hang out with quality people, you won’t need to worry about networking. Your friends will be your network. The only reason you are reading this article is because Sarah Lacy has a lot of friends who are very high quality, and they not only supported her PandoDaily ambition, but also put money into it. And even though she is nobody, she does have quality friends.

It works. I’ve seen it work innumerable times. Your friends bring you up or pull you down. There’s no in-between. Make sure they are pulling you up.

Back That Up

Do you want to know what rock and roll is all about? (Duh, you do.) Then listen to the drums on this Elvis Costello song: No Action (Early Version)

What's so rock and roll about the drums here? They are excessive, but not complicated. They aren't listening to you. They are doing their own thing. You can't stop them. You don't even want to stop them. 

I hate to even share this via the web, since you'll likely listen to it on a laptop or an iphone with puny  speakers, but since so few people come to my house or car, this is really the only place where I can share it.

Anyway, maybe you could at least turn up the volume--you are learning about rock and roll after all. 

For all the Ladies on the Web

Ladies, I've lived among men for thirty-two years. I've seen them when you aren't around. I've learned some things and I'm willing to share with you.

Click below for details. 

Back That Up

Shhhh. Don't speak while Tom is speaking.

Teacher Says...

One of my new favorite pastimes is having educators forward me obnoxious emails from students, and then I respond as if I were the teacher and if I wasn't afraid of losing my job. Without further ado..

Dr. Physiology,

I talked to you earlier in the semester about how to do better on the test and everything I try doesn't work, I still get that same dang 63%, I am beginning to think it is a curse. I have tried working in groups, reading and listening to the lecture, notecards, everything I can think of and have tried in other classes. I am beginning to panic because we have 3 weeks left of the semester and I desparetly need a C to graduate in April. This is just an elective course for my major and I have no desire to become a doctor or a nurse, I just want to work with athletes.

Thats my problem, my question is, Do you curve final grades and will that be needed this semester? Is there a chance I can do some extra credit work in order to help my grade. I currently have a 71% (C-) and hope to do well on this test but I am beginning to worry that I will never pass the class and that I will never graduate. I hope you can help and I will continue to work hard even if there is nothing you can do. Thanks for reading and let me know what I can do.

Girl College Student

Girl, 

My comments are below in red. 

-Dr. Physiology

Dr. Physiology,
I talked to you earlier in the semester about how to do better on the test and everything I try doesn't work,

If everything you try isn't working, then you either need to try more, try something else, and/or try everything you're doing, but for substantially longer amounts of time. If you get to 40 hrs of trying a week and still see no improvement, let me know and we can talk. But, at that point, the problem is probably you and not the content.

I still get that same dang 63%,

This is probably a reflection of your natural ability. The servant with three talents wasn't expected to earn five.

I am beginning to think it is a curse.

Oh, look what we have here, a theory about why you're doing poorly in this class that absolves you from all responsibility. C'mon, doesn't that seem a little too convenient? This could be a motivation or ability problem, and maybe both, but I can guarantee you that Hamlet's witches aren't sitting around a big ol' black pot talking about you, dear.

I have tried working in groups, reading and listening to the lecture, notecards, everything I can think of and have tried in other classes.

Wait, wait, wait... You mean you've actually gone to the effort of trying ALL the things that most students try anyway and you're still not rocketing to the top of the class? I'm so sorry you had to read AND listen to the lecture AND take notes AND talk to other classmates. This sacrifice might make you a saint, but, sadly, grades are based on scholastic achievement. If there was a class called "Doing Everything You Can Think Of," and that class was capped for people who thought of four things and under, I would totally give you an "A."

I am beginning to panic because we have 3 weeks left of the semester and I desparetly need a C to graduate in April.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, why the rush? "Three weeks left in the semester...?" Listen Early Bird, why not write me the night before the final?

This is just an elective course for my major

I'm not sure what you mean when you say "just an elective course for my major," unless that is the way you meant to say, "A course I chose of my own free will that also is required to earn my diploma." (But if you meant something different, let me know.)

and I have no desire to become a doctor or a nurse, I just want to work with athletes.

Here is a place where I can give you some good news: Many people who neither graduate on time nor have stellar grades are still perfectly able to work with athletes. The dream remains alive.

Thats my problem,

Actually, I don't think you have come close to accurately stating your problem, but for the sake of the email we will move on...

my question is, Do you curve final grades and will that be needed this semester?

This is actually a two part question. Let me break it down for you. First, yes, I do curve grades. Second, I do not know, because I have no idea what you mean when you say "needed this semester."

"Needed" as in "a bunch of whiny kids, who despite doing all four things they could think of to succeed in the class, will still need a generous curve in order to slip by and graduate (even though this class is just an elective needed for their major)," then, yes, there will be a curve. However, if you meant "needed" as in, "the universe, the law, or the gods demand it," then the answer is no. The curve is not needed. It's seldom needed. It's something that can be done that is often helpful to students.

In the case of you and this class, it is a charity and not an entitlement. Much like a child who slips past birth control's best defenses, this is something you should not have been expecting but should be grateful for when it comes.

Is there a chance I can do some extra credit work in order to help my grade.

There you go ascribing things to happenstance and enchantments again. What you're really asking me for here is a favor. You could at least do me the courtesy of acknowledging that fact. Extra credit doesn't spring forth from the head of Zeus. It's not something meteorologists predict--"It's going to be about 60 degrees outside today, with a chance of extra credit happening at the end of the semester."

Next time, try something like this: "Sister Kimball, if you think it's fair and will allow it, I would like to do some extra credit work--something that would help me learn more and prepare for the final. Please let me know what you think."

You might have also noticed how I dropped the part about doing the "work in order to help my grade." See, here's the deal, I don't care about your grade. That doesn't mean that I want you to fail. That doesn't mean I am indifferent to your success. I am looking forward with great hope to the class where everyone earns an "A."

However, I don't know a single professor who got into this business thinking, "Oh man, I really hope I can help the world by helping grades!" We do this because we love learning. We do this because we want you to learn and grow as people. We do this because it's a job and because we're qualified. I hope I speak for most professors when I say I would much rather you earn a "dang 63%" in the class and become a smarter and better person, and carry all the knowledge one has to acquire to earn a "dang 63%" with you always, then to have you graduate with an "A" while not learning a thing or remembering anything once you've left the class. I don't care about the development of your GPA because I care about the development of you.

I currently have a 71% (C-)

A pretty great grade for someone who gets a "dang 63%" on all her tests and exams. (Don't mention it; you're welcome.)

and hope to do well on this test but I am beginning to worry that I will never pass the class and that I will never graduate.

I'm sorry, is this your last semester on earth? Do you plan to start a life sentence soon? If not, then this is another place where I can give you good news: Me and the whole university system will still be here ready and willing to educate once April is over.

I sincerely hope you are able to do well on the final, and if you want to talk to me about how to study for the final I will set up a time with you. HOWEVER, even if you do fail miserably--despite reading AND listening to the lectures--you are welcome with open arms to take the class again until you can show you've gained a mastery of the content. (And, in general, I would refrain from concluding that something can't be done when at the conclusion of your first attempt it seems like you might have failed. That's no way to learn how to ride a bike, speak a language, eat solid foods, or how to achieve any number of worthy endeavors.)

I hope you can help

Your hope was misplaced; I've always been able to help. I could change your grade right now with about four mouse clicks and a few keystrokes. But you might remember from above that helping your grade is generally outside my scope of interest. I would love to help you learn the subject matter. I would love to talk to you about the miracle of the human body and how it works and what keeps it from working well. But if you're really saying, "I hope you will improve my grade because I asked," then I would respond, "Why should I do for you what you were unwilling to do for yourself?" This would be like me writing you with three weeks left in the semester and saying, "I hope you can give me a good evaluation." Of course you CAN, but if I really wanted that for myself, I could've and should've done something about it much earlier.

and I will continue to work hard even if there is nothing you can do.

Again, your fixation on my abilities is misplaced. There is so much I can do. And yet there isn't much I can do to make you learn. I can serve up content. I can answer questions. I can give advice. I can also reassure you that it's completely possible to do well in this class without being a some kind of Rain Man. (Garden variety students get good grades in here every semester.)

But there are some things I can't do. I can't make you: remember anything; spend forty-hours making flash cards when there are two million things you'd rather be doing; or make you annoy all your friends and family by saying, "Hey, will you quiz me on the functions of the pancreas again?"  Also, I'm afraid if you want to do well, you're going to have to do more than "continue to work hard." Whatever effort you may currently be giving, it seems clear you're going to have to "work harder."

Thanks for reading and let me know what I can do.

Girl College Student